I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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