Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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