i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize