Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We had to coat check the pizza.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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