i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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