We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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