We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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