Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
