Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
