I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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