Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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