whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
