he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line