she looked like the before picture.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents