I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.