This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
