She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
