i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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