this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize