So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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