i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
