I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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