She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize