Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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