3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize