God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
