Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
