i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT