Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?