this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
