I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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