I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize