so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
