Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's