Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me