I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?