just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.