pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.