I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.