shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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