if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
