The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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