By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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