Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
