Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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