I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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