It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
