why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Still dying that you shit outside
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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