Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize