i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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