soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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