Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
