weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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