there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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