I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
