it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Randomize
