you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
