From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
