upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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